The five love languages are the five ways people interpret, give and receive love. And we’re all completely different.
The book the Five Love Languages was written by Gary Chapman, a longtime relationship counselor.
“My conclusion after thirty years of marriage counseling is that there are basically five emotional love languages—five ways that people speak and understand emotional love. In the field of linguistics, a language may have numerous dialects or variations. Similarly, within the five basic emotional love languages, there are many dialects…The important thing is to speak the love language of your spouse.”
Each person holds all five of these love languages to some degree in their life, but a person will usually give and receive one primary love language. Meaning, although most people require all five love languages at different points in their life, they usually have one primary language that is always applicable to their life.
The love languages are:
Words of affirmation: This language uses words to affirm other people.
Acts of Service—For these people, actions speak louder than words.
Receiving Gifts—For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.
Quality time—This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention.
Physical Touch—To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch.
My personal love language is Receiving Gifts, which mean I interpret love by receiving gifts. I also tend to show my love by giving others gifts.
So the act of me receiving a gift, no matter if it’s a handwritten note or something extravagant, is how I know I am loved by that person. I also give love this was as well. Each time I make a Target run or go out of town I pick something up for someone in my life. This is how I show them I am thinking of them and that I do truly love them.
I have been this way since I was little.
So the fact that I know my own personal love language is good, but not all of those around me have the same love language. So although I feel good about giving gifts to my boyfriend, family and friends, they might not have Receiving Gifts as their love language. So, in the end, they technically aren’t receiving the love they want from me.
My boyfriends love language is 100%, without a doubt Physical Touch. He constantly wants to be touching, whether it’s something as simple as holding hands and cuddling or us being intimate. He needs constant touch.
His secondary love language is Words of Affirmation. He is always looking for my approval and wanting me to affirm that what he is doing is good and that I am proud of him.
He feels as though he is loved by me when I’m giving him the physical touch or words of encouragement that he craves.
So the fact that we each know each other love language helps our relationship so much because we not only realize what the other person interprets as love but we also are aware of what they do to show their love to the other.
As you can see, we have totally different love languages. This doesn’t mean we’re not compatible. What it means is that we give and receive love differently and we both have to actively work on showing the other person the kind of love that they need.
So for me, I typically show my love to my boyfriend by picking him up his favorite snack when I go to the grocery store. Although I feel like I’m showing him that I was thinking about him and love him, he doesn’t necessarily interpret it that way.
He would much rather me cuddle with him or tell him I am proud of him.
And the same goes for him. He is constantly wanting to snuggle up or have sex when all I want is to receive a thoughtful gift or token of his appreciation from him every now and then to know I’m loved.
So with that being said, we are constantly trying to learn the others love language. Meaning, when he is trying to snuggle up next to me I know he is trying to show me he loves me. And when I bring him a little gift after a shopping trip he knows I’m trying to show him I was thinking about it.
But don’t get me wrong, it can be difficult.
At times we both feel a little neglected since we aren’t always receiving the love that we require. And to be honest, that’s totally normal.
But we both are very vocal about what we need and want from one another that those feeling are quickly squashed.
The most important part of knowing your partners love language is actively trying to use their love language. This way you are showing your partner love in the way they need to receive it.
Showing your partner or even your friends and family the love they need is so beneficial to the relationship you hold with that person.
So learn your love language to help better all the relationships you hold in your life!
Go to 5lovelanguages.com to discover your love language!