Gaining weight

Hey there guys! Long time, no talk. My bad :/

Anyway, let’s just into it!

….

If you follow me on Instagram…and you should (@ronnalouise). Shameless plug, I know. But like I was saying…If you follow me on Instagram you know I try to spread as much body positivity as possible.

The other day I let my followers as me some questions and one question was “Any tips for body positivity?” 

At first, I was stumped because honestly there are so many days where I hate what I see in the mirror, so there was no way I could answer this question honestly.

But I sat down and really thought about it. Even the skinniest of girls suffer from body image issues. Body positivity and body image are not only exclusive to “thicker” women. Anyone and everyone can have these issues with themselves.

So when I was thinking about it, I tried to envision what made me feel good about myself and what made me feel shameful of who I am.

I responded with the following (see image):

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But I wasn’t done thinking about body image/positivity. This focused thinking then lead me to the thought of “why/when did I gain all this weight?”.

And you would be so surprised at the answer because honestly, it’s so simple.

Happiness.

As many of you know, especially if you have read my previous blog posts. I was in an extremely toxic and unhealthy relationship for about 4 years before I met my current boyfriend.

With that being said, I was in a constant state of stress. I had horrible anxiety on a daily basis and due to that I simply didn’t live a very healthy lifestyle.

I had this anxiety because my ex was constantly off either doing drugs, getting drugs, talking to other girls…the list goes on and on.

So with that being said, I never knew where he was, if he was safe, if he was hurt or even dead, so I was a living, breathing stress ball!

And since I was a ball of anxiety I didn’t eat a lot. Honestly, all I did was drink coffee all day to the point of getting the shakes. And then the next day I would do the same thing all over again.

I was extremely unhealthy and unhappy, even though on the outside my body was my definition of “goals”. (See images below)

So I dealt with this anxiety-riddled life for about 4 years until we broke up.

A few months after we broke up I met Vincent and as cliche as it sounds, everything was so different with him

I was able to be myself completely without the fear of being torn down, I no longer was riddled with anxiety because he respected my boundaries and always told me where he was and if he had gotten home safe. Literally, everything about him was the exact opposite of what I was used to.

So with happiness, comes food. Always.

Think about it, every single party has good food, to celebrate something you go out to dinner and the list goes on.

So Vincent and I went out to eat a lot, or cooked meals, or even went out for ice cream. which caused me to gain weight.

This new found weight obviously didn’t “sit” well with me. I like to call relationship weight being “fappy”, because typically when you’re happy you gain weight. So fat/happy.

It’s a simple science, I promise.

But this meant I had to once again learn to love myself at everything single stage of my life. Whether I’m a size 3 or a size 10. I need to feel beautiful.

And believe me, some days are easier than others.

I have struggled with my body image ever since I was around 7 years old. So this is nothing new to me.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not important.

So if you’re someone like me and you struggle with this, please know you are not alone! Sfromof the most beautiful men and women suffer with body image issues. It’s not just “thicker” women.

So here are a few tips that I personally use to help with my body image issues:

  1. THROW AWAY YOUR “SKINNY” CLOTHES!

Okay, this is one I struggled with for YEARS! I always kept a pair of jeans that I liked to refer to as my “skinny” jeans in hopes that one day I would fit back into them. Honestly all that this did was make me feel even worse about my body when I couldn’t fit into them. So throw all of them away! And go out and buy yourself a new wardrobe. Buy clothes that fit your current body type and that make you feel confident. Don’t worry about the size either. This still bothers me when I go into a store thinking I’m going to be a medium or a large in a shirt since that’s what I am at every other store and then all of a sudden I’m an XL there? Like wtf! Don’t let this discourage you – sizing is fucked up an it’s not you!

  1. Follow other men and women with similar body types to you on social media.

I actually wrote a whole post all about my favorite body positive social media accounts to follow. Click here to read it. Following people that look similar to your body is so life changing! I mean it. It has helped me tremendously. Not only is it great to see someone you find beautiful rocking their body, but it’s also great to find out some tips on how to pose for photos that are flattering to your body type or even clothing that will make you feel confident!

  1. Tell yourself the you are beautiful and worthy every single damn day – even if you don’t believe it.

This one was really hard for me for awhile. I hated to tell myself that I was beautiful, because I didn’t believe it. But one of my old therapists told me to just keep doing it! So I would leave myself encouraging notes all around my room on my mirrors like “you are beautiful”, “you are worthy”, “you are enough”, and slowly but surely I started to believe them. I still struggle with it, but each day I tend to believe them more and more.

Valentine’s Day for new couples

I recently, and by recently I mean like a few days ago, started dating a guy. We’ve been talking for a few months now but I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship until recently. So naturally, we’ve already discussed Valentine’s Day. I personally wanted to do something super mellow and small since it’s a new thing and because I’m just not that into Valentines Day. But on the other hand, he wanted to go all out since I would be his first real Valentine. (Super cute, I know!) Thankfully I talked him down and we compromised to a nice little picnic in the park and gifting each other something small.

But sometimes talking about Valentine’s Days with your new significant other can be awkward. You don’t want to see too eager to get all lovey-dovey and you also don’t want to seem like an asshole for not wanting to do anything.

Let me make it simple for you guys.

Ease into. Bring up the topic with something casual like, “Hey I know we just recently got together but I was wondering if you wanted to do something for Valentine’s Day. Nothing crazy, just something casual and easy-going.” This will open up the conversation and help you both compromise on what to do.

But just be sure to state what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not ready to go all out and go to a five-star restaurant and exchange expensive gifts, then tell them. It’s also good to set a price limit on gifts during the beginning of the relationship. It’s better to just be honest than feel the pressure of something you’re either not ready for or just not comfortable with.

Below I’ve listed a few simple things that you can do on Valentines Day that pretty much take all the stress and pressure out of trying to plan something romantic but not too romantic for new couples.

Where to go:
1. Go to the aquarium
Taking your significant other to the aquarium is very romantic, yet not over the top. The best part about going to the aquarium is watching your them in amazement and awe of the beautiful sea creatures. (I’m an observer)
2. Picnic in the park
Go to Trader Joes and pick up some artisan cheese, multi-grain crackers, fruit and wine and head to a cute, quiet nearby park. (Bonus points: bring some bread and feed the ducks. But steer clear of the geese. Those fuckers are mean and will chase you down.)
3. Grab brunch/lunch
Bottomless mimosas.
4. Movie marathon
Grab some popcorn, snacks and candy and jump into bed with a Netflix marathon. You can pretend to watch all 8 seasons of Dexters as you suck each others faces off in-between stuffing your face with fatty food.
5. Cook together
Decide on something to cook, then to to the grocery store to grab all the ingredients and then playfully make dinner together.

What to give:
1. Their favorite alcoholic beverage
Grab their favorite bottle of whiskey or go-to wine and share a few glasses together. (Or even the whole bottle, no judgement)
2. Homemade goods
It’s a proven fact that no one will turn down freshly baked brownies or chocolate covered strawberries.
3. Get them a gift card
Keep it simple and under $50.
4. Give them your favorite book or movie
This gift is like giving them a little piece of you.

Digital Dating

I recently went through a breakup with a guy that I had been seriously dating for around four years. It sucked but I survived.

But after I got through the ugly crying, constant bloodshot eyes and countless bottles of wines stage I started thinking about getting back out there. And the first thought that crossed my mind was, “Oh fuck” followed by “I don’t even remember how to date, let alone flirt with a guy.”

My ex was my first boyfriend and I was with him since I was 18 so I didn’t even remember how to approach a hot guy since I was used to just having him. I honestly didn’t even know where to start. So like any heartbroken and horny girl…I decided to download Tinder.

My experience with Tinder was pretty typical. I matched with quiet a lot of people, received countless unwanted dick pics and met up with some pretty chill guys. I wasn’t looking for anything serious but I also wasn’t looking for just a fuck buddy. (Which apparently are the only two types of guys that are on Tinder)

More recently I decided to download Bumble and Hinge since my friend suggested them to me and she loves living viciously through me. To be honest, I downloaded these two apps for research purposes only and I only kept them for about two weeks.

After exploring each app I found out there was a lot of similarities between the three “dating” apps. And I say “dating” apps in quotations because honestly most people use these apps to fuck or hookup. It’s the truth and we all know it. So to all the ladies saying, “I’m not like other girls” and the fellas saying, “NO HOOKUPS!” in their bio just stop and be honest about what you want. Everyone on these apps want to get it in. Yes, I understand there may be a few exceptions but for the most part this is the case.

I first checked out Bumble and I actually really liked it. It took me a little while to get the hang of it but once I did I went on a-swiping. I think I swiped right more on Bumble than I ever did on Tinder and I was on Tinder for months before I joined Bumble and I only had it for a week or two. So what I mean by that is there are SO many hot guys on Bumble, like so many that I honestly kept thinking, “Bumble must hire these hot guys to make profiles to get more girls on their apps.” There was a suspicious number of hot guys.

Hinge was a different story. I didn’t really like it at all. It only let you swipe through a small number of people before it would tell you to come back later to swipe more, which I thought was weird. The only thigk I liked about Hinge is the fact that it asks you “are you into ________” and you can click yes or no and it would show you more people that had similar interests.

So for the most part I enjoyed my experience with online or app “dating” but I personally had the most success on Tinder. I met a few guys that I literally only met up with to hook up with (because girls have needs to!) but I also met some cool guys that I’ve stayed friends with (strictly platonic). So I urge people to download literally every single “dating” site there is and find out which one fits your needs and run with it!

Here’s a list of the pros and cons of the sites that I researched!

Tinder:
Pros:
-Easy to use
-There are a large number of people on the app

Cons:
-There are a lot of automated messages from “fake” profiles (guys tend to get most of these)
-Shows you people that are 5 million miles away even though you set your preferences to a specific radius
-Photos can only be added to your profile if they are already on your Facebook

Bumble:
Pros:
-You an shake your phone to retrieve a match that you accidentally swiped left on
-Women have to send the first message
-Hotter guys
-Allows you to upload photos from your camera roll, Instagram, etc.

Cons:
-First message has to be sent within 24 hours of matching or you lose the match forever

Hinge:
Pros:
-More for relationships
-Nice layout of profiles
-Asks you for your interests and shows you individuals that have either the same or similar interests

Cons:
-Only gives you a small number of people to swipe through at a time
-First message has to be sent within 24 hours of matching or you lose the match forever (the Hinge team just changed this the other day, so now you have 14 days to connect with your matches)

Similarities between all the sites:
-Right and left swiping. Right means “like” or “yes” and left means “dislike” or “no”.
-They connected to your Facebook to gather your basic information and photos.
-You can choose the age range you’re looking for as well as the distance of your potential matches.

I’m back!

Hello everyone!

I know I’ve been gone for a hot minute but I’m back!

I’ve been extremely busy with school, work, an internship and just all the other shit life throws at you all at once. But since I’m almost done with school (I graduate this spring!) and I’m only taking courses related to my communications minor (less writing) I’ll have more time to write blog posts.

So let me catch you guys up on me stuff I’ve been doing.

I got an internship at a Long Beach newspaper called the Beachcomber and I’ve been here since the beginning of January. I’m loving it. My first story even made the front page!

I’ve also been working super hard in school to get the hell out of there and join the working force. And I’ve been busy working as a swim teacher on top of taking care of my grandpa, whom I live with.

But enough about me! I want to try and write at least one blog post a week. I think it should be pretty simple for me to do that even with my hectic schedule.

With that being said, I would love for you all to message me some blog ideas or even questions! I have tons of ideas that I want to write about but I know I’ll blow through those ideas in no time, so I need your help!

I’ll have a new blog post up by the end of this weekend, so keep an eye out for it!

Thanks so much for all the support,

Ronna White

The Do’s & Don’ts of flirting via text

Everyone has been in the situation when you are texting someone you are interested in but you do not want to make a fool of yourself. Here are some do’s and don’ts of text flirting.

The Do’s:
1. Ladies, did you know you it’s okay for you to send the first text? I know, this is groundbreaking
There is an unspoken rule that guys always have to text the girl first but that is so old-school. Ladies need to step out of their comfort zone and send the guy they are interested in a test first. He will appreciate it and you will feel more empowered because you are taking charge of your dating life.

2. Be direct and let them know your intentions
Let the person know if you are interested in them or you just want to be friends. Do not play games or beat around the bush.

3. Send thank you texts after dates/meet ups
Either the same night of your date or the following day it’s good etiquette to send a thank you text to the other person.

4. Reply in a timely manner
No one likes waiting for hours for a reply, unless you are truly that busy. Do not wait hours to reply because you feel like you seem too “needy” if you reply quickly.

5. Ask open-ended questions
Do not ask “yes” or “no” questions. The conversations will end up being boring and blunt.

6. Set up dates
Use texting to set up dates with the person you are interested in.

7. Play 20 questions but do not immediately get sexual
“Whats your favorite color?” “Purple. What’s yours?” “Green. So are you a virgin?”
Also be sure to not ask them everything. You want to leave some questions for your dates. Otherwise it will end up being pretty boring with tons of awkward silence.


The Don’ts:
1. Do not send dick pics or nudes
No one wants to receive a dick pic. I mean no one.

2. Do not ask for nudes
Asking for nudes is just plain rude. It makes it seem like that is all you want from that person and you are not truly interested in getting to know them and potentially dating them.

3. Do not text multiple people flirting with all of them
Do not multi-text, meaning do not text multiple girls at one time flirting with all of them. It is not classy.

4. Do not drunk text
It is not cute receiving a text at 3 am claiming that “you are the hottest girl everrrrrrrrrr!” or “I wish you were here because I would *insert sexual action*.”

5. Do not randomly call
This one is a big one with me since I hate talking on the phone, especially to people I am not yet fully comfortable with. If you want to talk on the phone be sure to ask the other person if they want to as well. Otherwise, there might be some awkward silences.

6. Do not abbreviate everything
Do not sent texts like “Hey. I had a gr8 time t’nite. U r so hawt.” It looks tacky and makes you seem like you are incapable of a real conversation or proper english for that matter. Side note: don’t add extra letters to things. Using “heyyyyyy” is so middle school.

7. Do not double text
Everyone has their own lives with school, work, and spending time with their friends and family. So do not double text someone if they do not respond as quickly as you would like. It is okay to send a text the next day asking what happened, how they are doing, or simply just tell them you miss them.

Pap smears

I had my very first Pap smear today.

“A Pap smear, also called a Pap test, is a procedure to test for cervical cancer in women. A Pap smear involves collecting cells from your cervix — the lower, narrow end of your uterus that’s at the top of your vagina.” Courtesy of mayoclinic.org

Pap smears are important because they test for cervical cancer. Detecting cervical cancer early give you a greater change at a cure. A Pap smear can also detect changes in your cervical cells which can potentially develop into cancer in the future.

So let me tell you a little bit about my experience. I currently do not have insurance and my family has always struggled with money so I take full advantage of all the things Planned Parenthood has to offer.(Maybe I’ll write another entry solely on Planned Parenthood and their services) One of those services is a free Pap smear.

I went into this appointment not really knowing what a Pap smear was or what it was for. Honestly, all I knew what that there was going to be some random doctors fingers in my vagina. So naturally I was kind of nervous.

At first everything was like a normal doctors visit. Blood pressure: check, weight: check, temperature: check. All normal. Then I was asked to take my clothes off and put on a paper gown. Usually when you have to put on a paper gown you get to keep on either your underwear or bra. Not this time. They wanted me completely naked.

I underdressed and sat on the exam table waiting for the doctor to return. At this point I was getting nervous. I mean, I do not mind being naked but having some stranger look around in my vagina while I lie there helpless just does not seem like a good time to me. But it honestly was not bad at all.

My doctor was extremely personable and knowledgeable. She made me feel comfortable. She first listened to my heartbeat and checked my lungs. Just some simple routine stuff. She then asked me to lie down with my hands behind my head. She started feeling my breast for lumps and was constantly telling me everything she was doing and informing me on how to do self exams at home. (Side note: you should be checking your breasts, both men and women, daily for lumps, odd discoloration, or sensitivity. Lumps can happen during menstruation for women so ride our your period and if the lumps do not go away after go see your doctor right away ladies.)

I was then directed to place my feet in stirrups with half of my butt hanging off of the exam table so that the doctor could get a good view. She check the outside of my vagina for inflamed lymph nodes; all clear. Your lymph nodes are located on the side of each of your vaginal lips. Right where your thighs and vagina meet.

She then proceeded to check inside my vagina: once again all clear. This is the part that most people find uncomfortable. She inserted a speculum into my vagina and opened it up. The speculum is not wider than the average sized penis so there was not any discomfort, just pressure. She warned me that I would feel a lot of pressure and possibly even cramping when she inserted the brush to take a swab of my cervix tissue. Honestly, I felt a lot of pressure but it was very quick so there was no discomfort.

She then removed the speculum and inserted one or two fingers into my vagina and felt my cervix. She used one hand to feel my cervix from inside my vagina and the other on top of my lower stomach/vagina.

And then, I was done.

It was as simple as that. She said I would get my test results in about a week and they would let me know if I was all clear of cancer/potential cancer.

The doctor also informed me that Pap smears should be given every three years started at the age of 21.

Having someone feel around in your vaginal can be a bit strange and uncomfortable but it is honestly worth it. I would rather be uncomfortable for 10 minutes and know that I am cancer free than be uncomfortable for years during chemotherapy.

So ladies, go get a Pap asap!

Non-negotiables

Longing and actively looking for a mate is in our DNA. We are driven to find someone to be our better half from the time we hit puberty till the end of our lives. Sometimes it can be difficult finding someone that you genuinely connect with due to your own personal laundry list of expectations.

I personally feel that when looking for a serious relationship each person should go in with an open mind but have a few solid non-negotiables and not a long list of unrealistic expectations.

It is important to look for personality traits and not materialistic or shallow attributes. Yes, I understand that being sexually attracted to the person is extremely important and I am not saying do not look for a good looking mate, but do not make looks a non-negotiable. You will be surprised how attractive a person can become when you connect with them on a personal and emotional level.

A few important things to look for in a partner are:

1. Brains
Both men and women are drawn to people that are articulate and have a thirst of knowledge. This does not mean that you have to be a genius by any means. It just means you are educated.

2. Driven
It is extremely sexy when someone is driven and will do anything to reach their goals and full potential.

3. Hard to get
Do not be the person that everyone gets, be the person that everyone wants.

4. Values
Whether your values are different from one another it is important to have your own set of personal values that you live by. It is important to know that the person you want to be with has morals.

5. Honesty
Honesty is key in any relationship whether it be between friends or lovers.

6. Loyal
Being loyal to those around you is crucial. Without loyalty there usually is no trust and without trust their is no relationship.

7. Humor
In the famous words of Marilyn Monroe, “If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything.”

8. Passion
Having a passion for life and your partner is a huge turn on. Without passion a relationship can die.

9. Open-minded
Being open-minded and willing to try new things or being open to new ideas and ways of thinking is essential to a healthy relationship. Having to deal with someone who is hard-headed and completely set in their ways is a huge turnoff. No one wants to have to be with someone who always has to get their way.

10. Trust
Trust goes along with honesty and loyalty. You want to be with someone that you trust will support you, be honest to you, be loyal, and take all your secrets to the grave.

Depending on you, your non-negotiables may be different but I personally feel that these are the top 10 attributes that people are looking for in a significant other.