Valentine’s Day for new couples

I recently, and by recently I mean like a few days ago, started dating a guy. We’ve been talking for a few months now but I wasn’t ready for a committed relationship until recently. So naturally, we’ve already discussed Valentine’s Day. I personally wanted to do something super mellow and small since it’s a new thing and because I’m just not that into Valentines Day. But on the other hand, he wanted to go all out since I would be his first real Valentine. (Super cute, I know!) Thankfully I talked him down and we compromised to a nice little picnic in the park and gifting each other something small.

But sometimes talking about Valentine’s Days with your new significant other can be awkward. You don’t want to see too eager to get all lovey-dovey and you also don’t want to seem like an asshole for not wanting to do anything.

Let me make it simple for you guys.

Ease into. Bring up the topic with something casual like, “Hey I know we just recently got together but I was wondering if you wanted to do something for Valentine’s Day. Nothing crazy, just something casual and easy-going.” This will open up the conversation and help you both compromise on what to do.

But just be sure to state what you’re comfortable with. If you’re not ready to go all out and go to a five-star restaurant and exchange expensive gifts, then tell them. It’s also good to set a price limit on gifts during the beginning of the relationship. It’s better to just be honest than feel the pressure of something you’re either not ready for or just not comfortable with.

Below I’ve listed a few simple things that you can do on Valentines Day that pretty much take all the stress and pressure out of trying to plan something romantic but not too romantic for new couples.

Where to go:
1. Go to the aquarium
Taking your significant other to the aquarium is very romantic, yet not over the top. The best part about going to the aquarium is watching your them in amazement and awe of the beautiful sea creatures. (I’m an observer)
2. Picnic in the park
Go to Trader Joes and pick up some artisan cheese, multi-grain crackers, fruit and wine and head to a cute, quiet nearby park. (Bonus points: bring some bread and feed the ducks. But steer clear of the geese. Those fuckers are mean and will chase you down.)
3. Grab brunch/lunch
Bottomless mimosas.
4. Movie marathon
Grab some popcorn, snacks and candy and jump into bed with a Netflix marathon. You can pretend to watch all 8 seasons of Dexters as you suck each others faces off in-between stuffing your face with fatty food.
5. Cook together
Decide on something to cook, then to to the grocery store to grab all the ingredients and then playfully make dinner together.

What to give:
1. Their favorite alcoholic beverage
Grab their favorite bottle of whiskey or go-to wine and share a few glasses together. (Or even the whole bottle, no judgement)
2. Homemade goods
It’s a proven fact that no one will turn down freshly baked brownies or chocolate covered strawberries.
3. Get them a gift card
Keep it simple and under $50.
4. Give them your favorite book or movie
This gift is like giving them a little piece of you.

Digital Dating

I recently went through a breakup with a guy that I had been seriously dating for around four years. It sucked but I survived.

But after I got through the ugly crying, constant bloodshot eyes and countless bottles of wines stage I started thinking about getting back out there. And the first thought that crossed my mind was, “Oh fuck” followed by “I don’t even remember how to date, let alone flirt with a guy.”

My ex was my first boyfriend and I was with him since I was 18 so I didn’t even remember how to approach a hot guy since I was used to just having him. I honestly didn’t even know where to start. So like any heartbroken and horny girl…I decided to download Tinder.

My experience with Tinder was pretty typical. I matched with quiet a lot of people, received countless unwanted dick pics and met up with some pretty chill guys. I wasn’t looking for anything serious but I also wasn’t looking for just a fuck buddy. (Which apparently are the only two types of guys that are on Tinder)

More recently I decided to download Bumble and Hinge since my friend suggested them to me and she loves living viciously through me. To be honest, I downloaded these two apps for research purposes only and I only kept them for about two weeks.

After exploring each app I found out there was a lot of similarities between the three “dating” apps. And I say “dating” apps in quotations because honestly most people use these apps to fuck or hookup. It’s the truth and we all know it. So to all the ladies saying, “I’m not like other girls” and the fellas saying, “NO HOOKUPS!” in their bio just stop and be honest about what you want. Everyone on these apps want to get it in. Yes, I understand there may be a few exceptions but for the most part this is the case.

I first checked out Bumble and I actually really liked it. It took me a little while to get the hang of it but once I did I went on a-swiping. I think I swiped right more on Bumble than I ever did on Tinder and I was on Tinder for months before I joined Bumble and I only had it for a week or two. So what I mean by that is there are SO many hot guys on Bumble, like so many that I honestly kept thinking, “Bumble must hire these hot guys to make profiles to get more girls on their apps.” There was a suspicious number of hot guys.

Hinge was a different story. I didn’t really like it at all. It only let you swipe through a small number of people before it would tell you to come back later to swipe more, which I thought was weird. The only thigk I liked about Hinge is the fact that it asks you “are you into ________” and you can click yes or no and it would show you more people that had similar interests.

So for the most part I enjoyed my experience with online or app “dating” but I personally had the most success on Tinder. I met a few guys that I literally only met up with to hook up with (because girls have needs to!) but I also met some cool guys that I’ve stayed friends with (strictly platonic). So I urge people to download literally every single “dating” site there is and find out which one fits your needs and run with it!

Here’s a list of the pros and cons of the sites that I researched!

-Easy to use
-There are a large number of people on the app

-There are a lot of automated messages from “fake” profiles (guys tend to get most of these)
-Shows you people that are 5 million miles away even though you set your preferences to a specific radius
-Photos can only be added to your profile if they are already on your Facebook

-You an shake your phone to retrieve a match that you accidentally swiped left on
-Women have to send the first message
-Hotter guys
-Allows you to upload photos from your camera roll, Instagram, etc.

-First message has to be sent within 24 hours of matching or you lose the match forever

-More for relationships
-Nice layout of profiles
-Asks you for your interests and shows you individuals that have either the same or similar interests

-Only gives you a small number of people to swipe through at a time
-First message has to be sent within 24 hours of matching or you lose the match forever (the Hinge team just changed this the other day, so now you have 14 days to connect with your matches)

Similarities between all the sites:
-Right and left swiping. Right means “like” or “yes” and left means “dislike” or “no”.
-They connected to your Facebook to gather your basic information and photos.
-You can choose the age range you’re looking for as well as the distance of your potential matches.

I’m back!

Hello everyone!

I know I’ve been gone for a hot minute but I’m back!

I’ve been extremely busy with school, work, an internship and just all the other shit life throws at you all at once. But since I’m almost done with school (I graduate this spring!) and I’m only taking courses related to my communications minor (less writing) I’ll have more time to write blog posts.

So let me catch you guys up on me stuff I’ve been doing.

I got an internship at a Long Beach newspaper called the Beachcomber and I’ve been here since the beginning of January. I’m loving it. My first story even made the front page!

I’ve also been working super hard in school to get the hell out of there and join the working force. And I’ve been busy working as a swim teacher on top of taking care of my grandpa, whom I live with.

But enough about me! I want to try and write at least one blog post a week. I think it should be pretty simple for me to do that even with my hectic schedule.

With that being said, I would love for you all to message me some blog ideas or even questions! I have tons of ideas that I want to write about but I know I’ll blow through those ideas in no time, so I need your help!

I’ll have a new blog post up by the end of this weekend, so keep an eye out for it!

Thanks so much for all the support,

Ronna White

Female masturbation

Last week I attending a school-run sex love workshop titled “Female Maturbation”.

Being a sex and relationship blogger and writer I was super excited to attend a workshop that directly addresses information that I find so intriguing and strongly support.

The man purpose of the workshop was to address these questions: “Why do you think maturbation is more acceptable for men than it is for women” and “What are the benefits of knowing how to sexually please yourself?” and “How can we make female maturbation a more acceptable topic?”

Before I address these questions I want to do a quick anatomy lesson.

What is generally called the vagina is actually the vulva. The vagina is the muscular tube leading from the external genitals to the cervix of the uterus while the vulva is the external genitals that include many major and minor anatomical structures like the labia majora (which are the outer lips), labia minora (which are the inner lips), clitoris, clitorial hood, mons publis (which is the fatty tissue found on the public bone), perineum (which the space between the vagina and anus, commonly called a taint or gooch), urinary meatus (which is known as the pee hole), and vaginal orfice.

So now that we know the difference between the vulva and the vagina, lets talk about the questions I stated above.

Why do you think maturbation is more acceptable for men than it is for women?
-Female maturbation is considered taboo to talk about and if you partake in mastubating as a female you are typically seems as “dirty”, which is completely not the case. It seems to be considered this way because of years and years of this type of thinking being reinforced. Female pleasure has always been considered a taboo subject, while male pleasure is a common topic to discuss. There are even some places in the world that still do female circumcisions where they remove the woman clitoris so that it is almost impossible for the victim to feel any sensation through her clitoris.

What are the benefits of knowing how to sexually please yourself?
-There are so many benefits to knowing how to please yourself. The biggest one is that it is a great way to figure out what you like and don’t like so that you can pass this information on to your partner, which enhances your communication in the bedroom. Another benefit is that maturbation helps relieve pain. A lot of women use maturbation to help with the pain caused by cramps and headaches. So basically maturbating is good for your heath. It can also can boost your self-esteem because it releases feel-good chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin during msturbation, which is the biggest release of these chemicals that is non-drug related. I could honestly list another 20 benefits but I think you get that maturbating is a big deal.

How can we make female maturbation a more acceptable topic?
-I personally think the best way to make female maturbation a more acceptable topic is to keep talking about it. We need to inform the uninformed, educate then uneducated, and answer questions that have been left unanswered. And the best way for us to do that is to create more workshops that allow people to go into a safe space for people to discuss their own insecurities, ask questions, and become educated on the subject. I also think it is extremely important that sex educators start talking about masturbation. They need to let younger people know that you aren’t “dirty” or “naughty” for touching yourself. It is natural and completely okay to maturbate. I feel that we’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that anything sexual is dirty and taboo and we really need to change that stigma by continuing to talk about it and normalizing it.

What is your opinion?

The Do’s & Don’ts of flirting via text

Everyone has been in the situation when you are texting someone you are interested in but you do not want to make a fool of yourself. Here are some do’s and don’ts of text flirting.

The Do’s:
1. Ladies, did you know you it’s okay for you to send the first text? I know, this is groundbreaking
There is an unspoken rule that guys always have to text the girl first but that is so old-school. Ladies need to step out of their comfort zone and send the guy they are interested in a test first. He will appreciate it and you will feel more empowered because you are taking charge of your dating life.

2. Be direct and let them know your intentions
Let the person know if you are interested in them or you just want to be friends. Do not play games or beat around the bush.

3. Send thank you texts after dates/meet ups
Either the same night of your date or the following day it’s good etiquette to send a thank you text to the other person.

4. Reply in a timely manner
No one likes waiting for hours for a reply, unless you are truly that busy. Do not wait hours to reply because you feel like you seem too “needy” if you reply quickly.

5. Ask open-ended questions
Do not ask “yes” or “no” questions. The conversations will end up being boring and blunt.

6. Set up dates
Use texting to set up dates with the person you are interested in.

7. Play 20 questions but do not immediately get sexual
“Whats your favorite color?” “Purple. What’s yours?” “Green. So are you a virgin?”
Also be sure to not ask them everything. You want to leave some questions for your dates. Otherwise it will end up being pretty boring with tons of awkward silence.

The Don’ts:
1. Do not send dick pics or nudes
No one wants to receive a dick pic. I mean no one.

2. Do not ask for nudes
Asking for nudes is just plain rude. It makes it seem like that is all you want from that person and you are not truly interested in getting to know them and potentially dating them.

3. Do not text multiple people flirting with all of them
Do not multi-text, meaning do not text multiple girls at one time flirting with all of them. It is not classy.

4. Do not drunk text
It is not cute receiving a text at 3 am claiming that “you are the hottest girl everrrrrrrrrr!” or “I wish you were here because I would *insert sexual action*.”

5. Do not randomly call
This one is a big one with me since I hate talking on the phone, especially to people I am not yet fully comfortable with. If you want to talk on the phone be sure to ask the other person if they want to as well. Otherwise, there might be some awkward silences.

6. Do not abbreviate everything
Do not sent texts like “Hey. I had a gr8 time t’nite. U r so hawt.” It looks tacky and makes you seem like you are incapable of a real conversation or proper english for that matter. Side note: don’t add extra letters to things. Using “heyyyyyy” is so middle school.

7. Do not double text
Everyone has their own lives with school, work, and spending time with their friends and family. So do not double text someone if they do not respond as quickly as you would like. It is okay to send a text the next day asking what happened, how they are doing, or simply just tell them you miss them.

Women who watch porn

I was pretty young when I first started masturbating. I think I was in middle school when I discovered my clitoris and the wonderful world of orgasms. For a long time I masturbated purely from my imaginations alone but then it evolved into my looking up sexually explicit photos and videos. Most of the time I viewed porn with only women in it.

This got me thinking, why do girls tend to enjoy watching lesbian or solo female porn when they identify solely as being heterosexual?

So does watching lesbian porn mean that I secretly want to be with a woman?

Not necessarily. Sex therapist, Megan Fleming said, “Porn is a safe way to realize what turns you on, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you want to do it in really life.”

Porn is a healthy way to explore your fantasies and discover what turns you on. Plus, lesbian porn tends to show clitoral and vaginal stimulation and since women tend to climax that way so it is a lot more appealing to women because they can identify with what they are watching. Lesbian porn seems to be more raw, honest, and sensual.

According to Women’s Health Magazine, women are 132 percent more likely to search for lesbian porn than men are. Most speculate that that is the case because lesbian porn is less likely to show degrading situations and tends to be more emotional and sensual.

So if you are a woman who enjoys lesbian porn, fear not, it does not mean you want to be a lesbian. But who cares if it did. There is nothing wrong with being with the same. Hell, women are super sexy. I don’t blame you.


This blog post is going to be a little bit different from my previous ones. I talked to two different people about swingers, since I am no expert on the subject, to gain some insight about the wonderful world of swingers.

I talked to Laurie Bennett-Cook a licensed sex therapist and sexologist and Jason Major who is a writer and comedian, host of a live show/podcast called Jason Majors Sex Party, and swinger since 2000. (Check out his podcast at

This post is going to be in the form of a Q&A because I feel like it will be a lot more informative and come across better that way. Enioy.

Question: What is a swinger?

Laurie: Traditionally it’s a member of a couple (usually a married couple) who exchanges sexual partners for extracurricular excitement. Most couples who swing date and exchange partners with other couples. Exchanges take place at organized swinger parties and via online through sites such as

Many people tend to believe that anyone who identifies as being in a non-monogamous relationship is a swinger. This is not the case. There are several forms of non-monogamy and swinging is just one of many.

Jason: Swinging can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people. To me, swinging means a certain level of openness in my romantic relationship which allows myself and my female partner(s) to explore outside sexual relationships. To most people in the swinging lifestyle, there tends to be some aspect of partner swapping or group sex with other people. A lot of swingers tend to only have sex or “play” with others at parties, clubs, events or on specific dates. Myself and my current partners are also open/polyamorous meaning that we not only have play time with other people at parties, but maintain other romantic relationships, as well. I personally prefer to have some kind of relationship with the women I play with, but a lot of swingers prefer the party scene specifically because there can be some anonymity.

Question: What are the benefits/drawbacks of being a swinger?

-Become an expert in communication with your partner
-Personal growth
-Relationship growth
-Infidelity less likely
-Sexual openness
-Greater levels of trust
-Greater levels of honesty
-Safely explore fantasies
-Wake up emotional vulnerabilities/insecurities that neither partner was previously aware of.
-Face any jealousy issues head on

Every couple is its own unique design and dynamic. Only the couple themselves can determine whether or not Swinging will enhance or deteriorate their relationship.

Jason: Let me start with the drawbacks. First is the obvious. Jealousy. I think that every swinger/poly/open person still feels jealousy, but they experience this feeling differently. Rather than experiencing only the negatives, they are able to translate those feelings into a positive experience, much in the way that someone who enjoys impact play or BDSM experiences the pain as pleasure. Obviously, this is not for everyone, but I think that a lot of people would find the experience of watching their partner with someone else kinda hot, if they didn’t feel like it would be a destructive force in their relationship.

Second drawback that I can think of is the increased risk of sexually transmitted infections or any of the other health issues that can occur with sex. Obviously, the more sexual partners you have, the more likely you may be exposed to something. Condoms are very big in the swing world. So, is STD testing. I get a full battery of testing twice a year. Of course, those tests would only tell me anything after I was already infected, but it allows me to be responsible should I catch anything. For the record, I have not had a sexually transmitted infection in the almost 15 years I’ve been doing this. I have known some people in the lifestyle who have come down with things like chlamydia or gonorrhea, but there were only a couple of incidents like this and all parties involved were honest with their play partners, careful in their treatment and they did not knowingly pass the infection on. I’d go so far as to say that I have seen consistently far worse behavior among my single non-swinger friends. In the swing world, the overwhelming majority of us work hard to stay healthy and do everything we can to play responsibly.

Benefits are many. I have found that it has made my romantic relationships stronger. I’ve seen this in other swinger couples, as well. I believe that the ability to feel freedom and be sexually adventurous can make partners less likely to get bored with their sex lives. Also, having multiple romantic partners can mean that both the physical and emotional stuff gets spread out. Some people might be unhappy with this, but I feel like it takes the pressure off of my romantic relationships. I don’t have to be all things to my girlfriend, nor she to me. Plus, I don’t need to end one relationship to start another. If there is a crush or attraction, there is freedom to explore those feelings rather than bury them down deep. This includes openly talking about those feelings with my girlfriend. And often, when you actually get a chance to scratch that particular itch it kinda goes away.

Obviously, I’ve also had some pretty amazing sexual experiences. And I think that has made me a significantly better lover. Everyone is different, so each new sexual partner adds something new to my experience level.

Also, I feel like it has increased my confidence greatly. When I first got into the swinging lifestyle I was very insecure about my body and I thought that I was extremely unattractive. At my first swing party, I discovered that while not every woman might be into me, there were definitely women who did find me sexy. And they were interested in showing me. That was a game changer. And it also taught me that rejection wasn’t the end of the world. But also that I shouldn’t reject myself. I’ve hooked up with women far hotter than a schlub like me should be capable of. The key was asking and being confident in myself.

Question: Does being a swinger affect romantic relationships positively and.ore negatively?

Laurie: It depends on the relationship. For some it is absolutely detrimental. For some it has little effect. And for others it can allow for growth and closeness. Many times “swinging” isn’t what causes the problem but rather figuring out what form of non-monogamy (if any at all) works for all parties in the relationship. If a couple is struggling in their relationship I always advise they stay clear of any form of non-monogamy. It’s like Grad School relationship and requires a level of communication and understanding that most are not ready for; capable of; or willing to pursue.

Jason: I’ve really only had positive things to say about how swinging impacts my relationships. I’ve had a number of relationships since I started swinging, including monogamous relationships where my partner was not a swinger. In all cases, the swinging wasn’t the reason the relationships ended. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that the swinging is not just a whim, but more of a deep part of my sexuality. Could I live without it? Sure. Would I be happier with partners who were not only tolerant of this lifestyle, but enthusiast participants? Of course!

Also, it’s pushed me to be more honest with my partners. I realize that this isn’t for everyone, so when I meet a lady who I am interested in I make damn sure to disclose as quickly as possible. Definitely before first kiss sort of thing. Not like it’s something horrible she needs to be aware of, but more like it’s a fun, sexy fact of who I am. Another empowering thing is that more often than not this does not appear to be a deal breaker. And if it is? So what. I don’t want a partner to put up with this if she hates it any more than I want to hide away this aspect of my sexuality.

Question: How and why did you become a swinger?

Jason: I sort of stumbled into it. Met a woman online that I was attracted to and she invited me to a party she was throwing. She became a good friend and I was introduced to the wide world of wonderful perversion. As to the why? That’s a difficult question to answer. I’m not a jealous person, by nature. I’m a bit of an exhibitionist. I’m a bit of a voyeur. There are any number of things that attracted me to the lifestyle, but I continue to do it because it brings me great joy. There are bad times and the occasional terrible people, but overall it’s a lot of fun. And the vast majority of the people I’ve met through the lifestyle have been great. There are people who stumble into the scene for the wrong reasons, but the ones who stick around tend to be very thoughtful people. Or giant horn dogs, of course.

Question: What are some misconceptions and stereotypes that swingers face?

Jason: That we’re all sex fiends who can’t control ourselves. That we’re sex addicts. That we’re lascivious monsters who will take advantage of anyone. The truth is that the swing community depends on making people, especially the ladies involved, as comfortable as possible. If everyone is all nervous and creeped out, then no one is having any fun. A good swing club or party will always do it’s best to ensure that everyone is comfortable and that no one is made to feel pressured from unwanted advances. In fact, there are often limits on drugs and alcohol with the understanding that consent can’t be given if you’re too fucked up.

Questions: How and where do you meet other swingers?

Jason: Most swingers hookup via the internet these days. There are dedicated sites for the swinger community. Some are better than others. I’ve also had more than a little success meeting women through an online dating website that allows people to identify as varying levels of monogamous or non-monogamous. I’ve also met other swingers a lot through swing parties. You got to the same party or club enough and you get to know the regulars… For better or for worse. 🙂 The swing population is pretty wide and varied… You’d be surprised who you meet. We’re everywhere!